It's really easy to miss her at a table for two by myself.
Comes to me as easy as a drop of water....."As take from me thyself and not me two."
Eggs in the middle of the day.
Twenty seven cups of coffee.
Toasted brioche with lots of butter on top of the butter already on top.
Very warm desk lamp light on top of very polished tables next to very big already dark windows.
I feel like I am killing time before a train ride to the loop.
I feel like I have your twenty dollar bill in my coat pocket.
I feel like I am twelve and you are meeting me on the steps of the Art Institute.
I'm in a dress.
I feel easy and endless.
We lived like kings for no reason.
Sometimes I get angry.
Why would you pay Anna fifty dollars a week to scrub our apartment top to bottom, but not save a penny for your daughters education?
But, I'm not angry right now. I'm stacking the dust of you on top of the ether on top of the seat across from mine.
You're young, and healthy, eating lots of bread, sitting on the butter to keep it warm. We're talking like we used to. We agree on everything exactly. We have exactly the same taste in exactly everything. I'm you. You're me. I'm wearing your sweater. I'm not angry.
I went to a spa. It was only twenty bucks for a steam room/sauna room/Jacuzzi bubble three hour rotation. I took a power sculpt cardio something something yoga class, my co-worker teaches those things--discount! I splurged on a dark pair of no hole jeans. I bought some, what's it called? Kava? Natures natural sleep aid. Keeps me on a schedule and feels better than beer.
It's a new year. I'm committed really seriously scouts honor sears seriously really really hard to working on the sadness/anger thing, it's a full blow part time job don't get me wrong, but so worth it, or so my inner chi tells me.
No more temper tantrums. Please. Not unless they are on stage.
She will always be in silhouettes of dust across from you.
Just breath it in and breath it out.